Speed Bump #22

I can't believe it! My doctor said I can start wean off this darn ventilator! I've gone from being at death's door (yes) in August 2011 to today. I still have a long way to go. Living in a power chair the rest of my life iS better than the alternative. I trust Him to get me through this. Seven months does. Only the Lord knows how long I have to go. Pray for me.

Speed Bump #21

Every morning I wake up thanking Him for another day. I remind myself how blessed I am and to trust the Lord to repair my body. MercyMe's song, Beautiful, I play every morning. "you are treasured, you are sacred, you are His."

So a bit more of the story: I fell asleep waiting for my room at Loudoun. As it was told to me later, it quickly became apparent that I was going into respiratory failure and Loudoun couldn't handle me. Since I had been going to Georgetown's ALS clinic, it was decided to medivac me there.

Getting tired so I will stop here except for one last comment. I missed my first and perhaps only helicopter ride!

Speed bump #20

Well I'm finally back. It has been long, slow road. In the coming posts I will try to catch you all up. Needless to say it is not a pleasant story. I had begun to feel funny but didn't say anything. With Dad's death and his estate. Finally on the evening of August 2nd Dennis took me to the ER. I had pneumonia and they said a room was getting ready for me. Since it was late Dennis went home to see me the next morning iN my room.

That was the last I saw Dennis or knew anything of the month of August. I woke up weeks later, in another hospital, hooked to a ventilator and tied to my bed.

Speed Bump #19

Dad was buried yesterday.  I so remember his words - say a few words, stick me in the ground and get on with your life!  I so wish I could get on with LIFE.  I try my best not to concentrate on the tomorrows (how many, what they will be like, etc).  Panic attacks have taken over and I fight them daily.  They usually occur when I get in bed but yesterday they started earlier and I have that feeling in my gut right now.  I so do not like where I am at the moment.  I think it robs me and the rest of the family from precious time together.  I hate that my voice is now affected and I have constant dry-mouth or my tongue feels like it is coated with powder.

I don't want to just sit in this powerchair and waste away!  Our finances are bad too which just adds to Dennis' burden and I need to work to help.

Speed Bump #18

So much going on since last post.  Sorry I haven't been more deligent.  I was on short term disability from May through the end of the school year due to problems with blood thinner medicine.  Nothing with the ALS though I've lost some ground.

Lost my Dad yesterday.  He was 99 years old and he went the way he wanted to go.  In his own apartment, in his own bed, in his sleep.  I had been praying that the Lord would gently take him home.  That it was time.  He was ready.  No matter how prepared you are to have a loved one go, you really aren't prepared.

I am now an orphan.

Speed Bump #17

What a beautiful morning!  I took the power chair around the block (1+ miles).  More than half way through and Dennis showed up in the car to check on me.  I asked him if he thought I was tipped over, wheels spinning and neighbors ignoring me.  He said he was just being a good husband.  I say Amen to that!!  No one could have a better husband than me.  Last Sunday was our 29th Anniversary.

Hard to believe it is Memorial Day Weekend and there are 13 school days left.  I had so wanted to get back before the year was over.  Not sure this is going to happen. I could go to help pack up but not sure how much "help" I would be.  Still waiting for Disability to kick in and have some income.  It has certainly put a strain on the bill paying!!  Many people are worse off so I will count my blessings.

Speed Bump #16

I spent an hour this morning trying the cpap machine we got last week.  We haven't really started during the night simply because Dennis viewed it as one more thing to do in the evening.  Now that soccer season is over perhaps he won't be as exhausted as he has been.  I feel so bad for him.  He takes Matt to school and picks him up ( since this is not his home school but where I teach), does the grocery shopping, laundry, yard work, and cleans the house.  He also takes care of my needs, dresses me each morning and gets me in bed each night.  Besides that he teaches 5 levels of German.  There are repairs to the house he cannot get to or even know how to do it.  Since I am not working and short term disability hasn't kicked in yet, we are missing a third of our income.

We had hoped that Peter could find a part-time job in Virginia Beach.  He had one interview but I gave him the wrong date!  He went to it a day late.  First priority is school but he just needs a small job to help his self-esteem and pocket money.  I really screwed up there.  I just really wish that something good would go his way just once.  He thinks no one will ever take a chance on him.  It's hard to have faith when he doesn't have faith to begin with.

We have some people from church coming to see if they can help with some repairs.  I hope they can because this would be one answer to prayer.  Now if we could find someone to help me mid-day with lunch and personal needs that would help out.  Even to come by and talk with me would break up the day.

I leave with one bit of wisdom:  A bedside commode is only good if the bucket is in there!  Think on that one and you have a view of our life.