I fell the other night. It's been a while since this has happened and as usual there was no warning, just a "swan dive". This time it was in the bathroom after I had crossed the "Great Divide" (see Speed Bump #5). I suddenly felt weak, tried to push the walker against the tub so I could sit down on it but I didn't quite make it. Down I went onto the ceramic tile floor, hitting my arm on the counter as I went down. "Oh crap!" I heard from the bedroom from Dennis. So as I lay on the hard, cold floor; I waited for my husband of almost 29 years come in to see if I was alright.
Unfortunately, "in my dreams" is what I came to realize. The man who has coached numerous teams for many years came in the bathroom with his coach's cap on. He proceeded to give me directions to crawl on my stomach out the bathroom, across the Great Divide, and onto the bedroom carpet. The goal was to reach the wing chair in the room where my hero would then try to lift me by the waist onto the chair.
Have I mentioned the fact I have little if any strength in my lower legs? So imagine this - I'm crawling on my stomach, dragging myself inch by inch. My coach is above me giving instructions and every time I moan or (heaven forbid) complain, I'm shushed because I'll wake the kids up. Not one time through this whole "situation" does he think to ask if I'm alright or if I hurt myself. In his defense Dennis later told me that he could tell I wasn't bleeding. So I finally got to the chair and onto my knees where I was ceremoniously lifted/squeezed around my waist till I could be dumped in the chair.
By the time I rested and then got to the bed, I was sore from the waist up. And I have decided on a new name for my loving husband of 29 years. . .Frau Brucker (Cloris Leachman's character from Young Frankenstein)!
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